A lot of girls end up learning this the hard way. It took me 25 years to figure this out and I wanted to share my experience.
My birthday is coming up in a few days and it will be the first birthday in 10 years that I spend single. It scares the hell of me, but surprisingly, the thrill of it actually makes me feel empowered, like a superhero.
The thing is that all humans are completely seperate people, and when we get too used to living life dependant on someone else, we are giving up more than just our own self-respect, we are giving up our freedom and our ability to control our own emotions.
If you can’t let go of someone, you are simply wasting your time and allowing someone to win. ALLOWING SOMEONE TO WIN. Remember those words. Why should you have to lose and let someone else gain at the same time? It just doesnt make sense; there’s no logic to it. You’re also losing in TWO ways: you are creating a negative image of yourself for the person who hurt you and blatantly throwing away your happiness. Why should someone be given the benefit of seeing you broken. The only thing you end up achieving is confirmation that it was a good idea for that person to let you go.
A quote I wanted to share is “Drop the E in EGO and let it GO”. Ego is what is keeping you from letting go, because you aren’t allowing yourself to stop and think clearly. The word “ego” is often thought as meaning “excessive pride in oneself” but it also means “to be conscious of your own identity”. Before you can be conscious of your own identity, you need to pick up the pieces and learn what your identity truly is (and forget about what you thought it was). Everyone has an independent identity, it just needs to be found so that we can live as independent people. Once we have mastered the art of being your own person, life becomes much easier and the hurdles thrown at us become much easier to handle.
If you tell yourself that its hopeless, you will feel hopeless. Its inevitable. Its always hard in the beginning, but if you try to convince yourself of something positive, even if you don’t believe it, you will eventually convince yourself. It only makes logical sense and you can’t even consider it lieing to yourself, because you were able to convince yourself that you were miserable in exactly the same way. When something bad happens, its a lot easier to convince yourself of something negative, than something positive, because it matches the feeling of the situation (and this goes for anything, not just relationships). Think of it like building muscle at the gym, its not easy, but once you’re able to turn negative energy into positive energy, it will be easier to do so every time. Its almost like an investment. Do it now so that it will help you the next time around, and so on.
Its okay to “cry it out” but you need to be able to let it sink in. The only way to let it sink in is to accept it. If you are still in denial, then it hasn’t sunk in yet. If you stay in denial, it will sink in slowly and painfully (and waste a lot of time that could have been spent productively). You will also dig yourself deeper into a hole by worsening a situation thats already bad, ruin your image towards the people who watched you break down and give yourself more work to do towards regaining respect from others as well as yourself.
Being a strong role model is important because it gives us self-value and allows others to see our value. It helps us guide us towards what we want and keeps us patient until we find it. It also allows us to prepare for the future.
A lot of women become desperate once they’re left on their own, thinking that they’re getting older and don’t have enough time left. But imagine having a child. Would you want that child to live her life not being able to cope without the help of somebody else’s backbone? And how would you feel if you were the influence that made her that way? Wouldn’t you feel more comfortable knowing that you did everything you needed for yourself first? Self-dependance is a HUGE part of planning for the future. Being independant is possibly the most important thing a woman needs to achieve before she can even start thinking towards the future, because it effects whether or not she will ever succeed in being the proper role model her children will need. How can a child depend on you when you can’t even depend on yourself?
And if you don’t plan on having children, even more the reason to come up with ways to make yourself happy independantly. You might have a spouse/partner pass away or simply leave, and what are you going to do? Rot? You need to be aware of what makes you happy and know the reasons why its okay to fly solo.
All women are different, have different ways of dealing, and different hobbies that keep them interested. Once you learn how to be okay alone, you might find that you enjoy being with friends or simply occupying yourself. I can’t tell you how to be happy independently, but I can give you reasons why its important to do so.
Just remember that in the end, the person who left you is losing someone who was willing to love them and make things work while you are losing someone who was not willing to stand by you.
You win by default simply for this reason. Dont forget that.